


Just Laying In The Atmosphere

by leleletizinha



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Friends With Benefits, M/M, basically dan's sad and he just gets sadder, i quoted the boncas so prepare yourself, it's like pure angst, you might cry while reading this and if you don't then i failed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 02:16:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10630074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leleletizinha/pseuds/leleletizinha
Summary: Phil was everything Dan's ever wanted, except that Phil wasn't Dan's.





	

**Author's Note:**

> sup y'all so basically this was inspired mainly by Casual Affair by Panic! At The Disco, but i also took some inspiration from Far Too Young To Die idk maybe. and i'm not fluent so if you spot any mistakes PLEASE CONTACT ME !!! BUT ANYWAYS, i hope you like this and follow me on tumblr @leleletizinha and this was beta'd by my bro @evergreensaturn follow her and validate her BYE

There was Dan, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling once again. There was Dan, at the age of 25 and as confused as he was at 18; because feelings come and feelings go, but love is forever. This wasn’t just a crush, a silly crush on a Youtuber four years older than him, no, this, was love. And was Dan falling in love with Phil every moment they were together, meaning he was falling harder every second, ‘cause the two boys couldn’t be separated from one another.

  
It was just as Phil said in November last year, at the BONCAS: “the Universe would rip in half if we were ever apart”.

  
And they'd never be apart, but they wouldn’t be together either.

  
“Dan?” Phil said. He was entering the room without knocking because there weren’t any boundaries between them anymore; after all, after seven years of friendship, a beneficial friendship, knocking on the door was just not necessary.

  
“What?” Dan answered, and he couldn’t even look at Phil in the eye now.

  
“I heard you mumbling, and your voice kept breaking, did something happen?” Phil asked. Dan could sense that Phil was nervous, because something was stressing him lately, and it was Dan himself.

  
_Of course something happened_ , Dan thought, _you happened_. But those words just wouldn’t come out of his mouth. And was that even appropriate though? Phil was simply being nice and worrying about Dan’s well-being. Actually, no, he wasn’t. Dan was sure he wasn’t mumbling, he was always careful not to mumble when thinking of Phil. _He’s not really worried, he knows exactly what’s up, and I know what’s about to happen, but not this time_ , and with that thought in mind, Dan finally said something “Why don’t you just come over here?” Dan whispered as he was looking at his lap, he thought Phil didn’t hear and that would be another sentence left just laying in the atmosphere.

  
The younger was right: Phil didn’t even hear or perhaps pretended that he didn’t; either way, Dan wanted to say that again, he wanted Phil to hear those words; he _needed_ Phil to hear those words, to know how much he desired the black-haired man, how much Dan Howell loved Phil Lester. Oh, the things that he’d done and would do for his flatmate, fellow Youtuber, best friend and “casual affair”, as he often would describe their relationship in his head.

  
“Did you say something?” Phil questioned. He stepped closer and closer to Dan, he was at the foot of Dan’s bed.

  
“Can you stay here? Please?” Dan blurted. Then, his eyes met Phil’s and he felt his eyes start to water, but he wouldn’t shed a tear, not here, not now. Not only it would ruin the moment, but Dan would also completely crumble, and things would get even messier.

  
“’Course I can.”

  
Phil sat on the bed and then positioned himself beside Dan, then drew Dan closer to him, and the brunet found himself lying on Phil’s chest. The brunet focused on the other’s heartbeat, breath, and the way his fingers traced circles on Dan’s scalp. Everything was overwhelming Dan at that moment, the apartment, the pressure that’s been steadily on him, and even the slightest wind outside, but Phil was his safe place, his home.

  
He lifted his head and looked at Phil, admiring each and every one of Phil’s features, even though he already knew and loved every inch of the boy lying on his side. Especially his eyes, those perfect blue-green-yellow eyes that he once said one could go swimming in. Their legs were pressed together and intertwined and he felt like he could get lost on his friend.

  
Phil looked at Dan and their eyes met again, and, with only that look, Dan knew that Phil wanted them to be more than a casual affair too; at least, he seemed to want at that instant. Blue eyes shifted down to Dan’s lips and suddenly the younger was caressing the other’s cheek and the older one leaned in. They were kissing and Dan was sure both of their hearts were being torn to shreds.

  
Dan did it, he did it once again: he fooled himself once again.

  
They were kissing and the world around them didn’t seem to exist. All the extra casualties that existed in their odd lives were nothing compared to how much passion, regret, desire and sadness was in that kiss. But those things would always matter and that night was something they couldn’t have, that night was flying in the sand.

  
After that they stayed still for some minutes; holding hands, foreheads touching, and they couldn’t say anything, that kiss meant more than words could ever say, and definitely more words than they would ever talk about.

  
Dan thought that was _the_ moment, he could say those three little words and they would finally be together, officially, he would mean something to Phil, not that he didn’t, but, at that time, he was just a casual affair, nothing more than that. Dan knew Phil felt that too, that exorbitant, suffocating and unreasonable love that seemed to weight down on Dan every day and remind him of his love.

  
“Phil, I lo—” Dan shuddered. He could do it, he felt like it was the time, but then tears were rolling down his cheeks and the world they lived in overcame Dan’s feelings and he couldn’t breathe properly anymore, it was too much; everything was too much for him.

  
“I know, me too” Phil said, calmly as usual. He embraced Dan and held the man in his arms like he was made of glass and would break if Phil ever let Dan go. Their love destroyed both of them, it was too much. “Me too”

  
Phil gave Dan a peck on the cheek, stood up, and headed to his bedroom, leaving Dan all alone with his thoughts, a shattered heart, and an impossible love.


End file.
